April 27, 2012

Sheep in Wolf's Clothing

The following is partial letter and partial processing.

I ran into a wolf the other day.
Yah, I'm pretty sure he was functioning as a wolf at that time.
It was the charm, charisma and eye contact. I offered my number first, (all textbook).
Come to find out, through his own insights, this wolf is changing his skin. Now, I can't really tell if there's always been a sheep underneath that thick black fur or this is a complete transformation.
I'm still trying to figure this one out.
Literally in black and white, he spells it out to me. All the secrets of being a wolf. But are they secrets now? And do the secrets count if they don't mean anything now?

Mr. Used-to-be-a-wolf:
If you no longer want to be a wolf, then what good is it that I know wolf secrets?
If you are leaving the city and turning in your wolf mask, claws and fur, what's underneath?
I want to know those secrets. I'm curious if you are really ready to leave.
I'm curious what was that pivotal moment where you said- I can't do this wolf thing anymore?
If your reading this, Mr. Used-to-be-a-wolf, I'd like to know what you want? 
What are you looking for?

Sometimes, I think I'm just wasting my time. If the wolf doesn't know what he wants- then maybe I should just move on or put him in the just-a-friend category. That would be easy for me, that would be familiar. What's not familiar is trusting, and being vulnerable. What's hard is letting my guard down and letting him get to know me? I wonder if he actually wants to get to know me.

What is a man? I've heard you say, "A real man is redundant...He doesn't need descriptions...his actions shout man, they shout truth, they are evident like the sun's light..."
What if you take the pursuit out of a man?? What does that leave? Is he still searching for the one? What feeds your soul? 
I know you're afraid to open up- we all are. Do you ever want to take a risk? Perhaps you're happy with the three and I should just let you be.

Honestly, I'd love to make this into a project. He is worth and deserves more, so I won't.

I'd like to unwrap you. 
I'd like to pull you apart, dissect you-savouring every bit. 
I'm so fascinated by your mysteriousness. You are so cool, calm and collected. 
I want to know where you came from, who raised you, and what you rebelled against.
I know you could flip me, spin circles around and chase me down, but you choose not to. 
You say you're shy, I see you in the backseat. 
You speak about this former wolf, but really, I'm over that.
I want to know the real ins and outs of you, now. 
What made you change your ways? Why go against the system? 
What crossed your  path and told you to go straight? 

I have so many questions.
I wish I hadn't read his tell all book. I get confused sometimes.
I wish he could just put down the claws.
Then I would know if he was functioning as a sheep or a wolf.
By the way, he never used to the word, sheep. I did. And in my definition it's not negative or weak.
A sheep is humbled by his Master. A sheep is aware who he belongs too.
Aside from that, men and women were created for each other.
He and She is just complimentary.

Between ribs you'll find my place,
Urban Bird

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